ông / bà / cô / chú

These words act as dynamic pronouns. When you address someone as cô (literally 'aunt', functioning as 'you'), you usually refer to yourself as cháu (nephew/niece/grandchild) or con (child) to mean 'I'. Generally, you will use cháu or con to refer to yourself when speaking to most of these older generations (ông, bà, bác, chú, cô, dì, or cậu). Note a regional difference: Southern Vietnamese heavily prefer con when speaking to older generations, while Northern Vietnamese use cháu. However, if they are your teacher (cô giáo for female, thầy giáo for male), Northern Vietnamese and university students use em (younger sibling/student) for themselves, while Southern Vietnamese students from kindergarten through high school overwhelmingly use con.

Importantly, these pronouns are a two-way street. The older person will reply using the exact same words in reverse: they will refer to themselves as cô/chú/bác/dì/cậu ('I') and call you cháu/con ('you'). Unlike 'I' in English, these pronouns are not capitalized in the middle of a sentence, even when they mean 'I' or 'You'.

How to use them:

• By themselves: Chào cô. (Hello, ma'am.)
• Before a given name: chú Nam (Uncle Nam). These attach to the given name, not the family name.
• Before a profession: chú bảo vệ (security guard).
• To address a group: Add các before the pronoun, like các cô, các chú, or các bác. To make yourself plural ('we'), add chúng or tụi before your pronoun, like chúng cháu or tụi con.
• To get someone's attention: Add ơi after the pronoun, like Cô ơi! (Excuse me, ma'am!). This is very common in shops and restaurants.

These are not just for blood relatives! They are the standard, polite way to address strangers, shopkeepers, and neighbors. To choose the right term, guess their age relative to your own family: use ông/bà for grandparent-aged people, bác for people older than your parents (note that in Northern and Standard Vietnamese, bác is gender-neutral for both men and women, but in Southern Vietnam, it traditionally refers strictly to a paternal older uncle, as the mother's older brother is called cậu, while older women are called dì or cô), and cô/chú/dì/cậu for people of your parents' generation but younger than your parents. For strangers who appear younger than your parents, cô (for women) and chú (for men) are the standard default pronouns. In contrast, dì and cậu are generally reserved for actual blood relatives or very close family friends, and are not typically used for random strangers or shopkeepers. There are some regional nuances: in Southern Vietnam, chú is often used as a loose, catch-all term for almost any middle-aged man. Be careful: if someone is younger than your parents but closer to your own age, use anh/chị instead. Calling a young adult cô or chú can make them feel old! (See kinship pronoun basics).